He moves on a seven.
He takes one card. He doesn’t look.
He already knows who’s winning.
I. The Island
Nineteen hexes of land in a black sea. Forest for wood, hills for brick, pasture for sheep, fields for wheat, mountains for ore, and one stretch of desert where nothing grows.
Four of you arrive. Every turn someone rolls two dice, and every hex bearing that number pays whoever lives on its edge. You lay roads. You raise settlements, then cities. You trade with people who smile at you, and when they ask what you’re holding, you lie. First to ten points takes the island.
That’s the game. Then there’s him.
II. Seven
Seven is the likeliest thing two dice can do. When it lands, nobody collects. Anyone holding more than seven cards throws half of them away. Then he moves: onto any hex the roller chooses, which stops paying, and he takes one card, blind, from someone who lives beside it.
He can be sent, too. Play a knight and you move him yourself. The others do the same, and they keep careful track of who has been winning, who has been hoarding, and who turned them down last round.
III. The Table
Every turn is market day. Calls you “friend” right before fleecing you, and takes a refused deal personally.
Seven, huh?#@$%!&*perfect, friend.
Loud, sore, and keeping score. Turn down one trade and it follows you for the rest of the night.
Keep your#@$%ore. I’m remembering this.
Deadpan. Counts every card you pick up and says so out loud. Rarely swears, and it hurts when it happens.
That’s four cards. Three of them are wheat.
Bring friends and they take these chairs instead. Or come alone and find out what three strangers really think of you.
Answers to the dice, and to whoever holds a knight. Sits wherever it will hurt most.
They swear, at full volume. There’s a setting to stop it. Nobody has used it.
IV. Two Minds
Every decision at the table is made by Jev, a reasoning model from TypeSafe: where to build, which trade to take, who gets the robber, and whether to tell you the truth when you ask about their hand. It sees only what a real player could see. It never peeks at your cards.
What they say is written by a GPT model, working from what Jev decided: the pitch, the gloat, the bluff, and the particular kind of abuse reserved for someone who refuses a fair deal. It never chooses a move.
They remember. Refuse Otto twice, then watch where the robber lands.
V. Your Own Table
Empty chairs fill with AI players. If someone’s connection drops, an AI plays their hand until they come back, from the same device or any other. The mic stays open, so you’ll hear exactly what your friends think of that road.
VI. The Price of Things
wood · brick
The longest earns two points
wood · brick · sheep · wheat
One point
three ore · two wheat
Two points; doubles the harvest
sheep · wheat · ore
Knights, progress, the odd hidden point
First to ten wins. Nobody wins politely.
No invitation needed. He never waits for one either.